I Am A Mother of Boys

Today was gorgeous. Like 67 degrees and sunny without a cloud in the sky.

I spent the afternoon raking up the

4,509,450,280,239,842,098,209,840,958,424,958,095,852,945,209,958 sweetgum balls

in our yard.  Give or take a couple.

Public Service Announcement: do NOT ever plant these trees in your yard.

Unless you love - lurrrrrve - raking.

Boys, meanwhile, were allowed to go down to the creek with the strict instruction,

"Do NOT go in the water!"

I could hear the sounds of high hilarity ensuing down at the creek, and cries of

"let's slide down the hill!!"

However, I left the little apes to their own devices, knowing that,

a) they were completely safe                                     

b) I really wanted to get some major raking done        

c) never interrupt brothers getting along                   

d) I am a "cool mom". Remember?                              

Around 5:00 p.m., we all evidently decided to call it quits on the outside time,

and as I was wrapping up dumping my

582,459,823,052,495,882,340,598,235,982,309th bag of yard debris in the woods,

I heard the lovely sound of two brothers in cahoots drifting from the backyard

 as they walked together up to the house.

And that, folks, is when I saw this:

Silly me.  Why should I think that "don't go in the water!"

 would translate into "don't roll in the mud"?????

There is no way on this earth that I was letting those apes in my house like that,

so the only thing to do was hose them down.

And remember how it was 68 degrees outside?

I do believe that was also the temperature of the water in the hose.

I'm quite sure that more than one neighbor called DSS and/or the sheriff's office

to request a home visit to our fine estate.

The crying and wailing and screaming and gnashing of teeth could undoubtedly

be heard throughout the neighborhood,

throughout the state,

yay, even throughout the centuries.

Such pain by young children has surely never been endured.

It's possible that one child cried, "You're killing me!!"

And that another one bellowed, "My childhood is over!!"

It's also possible that their father came home from work during the de-mudding process

 and stood in his driveway hiding his laughter behind some old towels.

But, lo, the mud did come off, and

my apes were able to come inside and get hot showers.

Not so sure that never interrupting brothers getting along is a good idea.

Also, not so sure about how cool I am.

But I am fairly positive that instead of sweet, pretty, Barbie-playing girls,

my husband gave me stinky, slimy, mud-monster boys.