So Thankful My Child Learned to Speak

Ahh, that Matthew.

He is my treasure for many reasons. As my firstborn, every new little trick he learned as an infant was a shining moment, and I was proud of how brilliant and adorable he was. Surely no baby could have been more perfect, yes? It was especially exciting to practice my "speech therapy" techniques with him and watch his language skills blossom. His verbal skills have always been strong (I mean ALWAYS...oh, the crying that little monkey did as an infant!), and I used to smugly smile and mentally pat myself on the back when people would compliment him on the words he used or the ideas that he would come up with. Pride goeth before a fall, so they say.

I take Matthew to school in the morning, and with Michael along for the ride, we often get into some interesting conversations. We seem to have theological discussions frequently, but sometimes it's just chats about the weather or dogs or "people in my class that are having a hard time" (someone is a goody goody after his mother's own heart).

Well, yesterday, I was kind of in my own world, dissecting the evals I needed to get done, along with the Christmas decorating that needs to get finished, and the Messyland we live in, and how hungry I was and how long it would take me to get to Salisbury and on and on and on. In other words, I was leaving the little tots to their own seat-belted devices while I had a Mental House Cleaning. Which was really OK. Michael was looking at a book and Matthew was flipping through a Legos magazine.

So, as our little van rolled on down the road, I was jerked out of my reverie by a young voice in the backseat matter-of-factly proclaiming, "Michael, that's an a**." Only there were no "stars" in his word. Good heavenly days. Are you kidding me? "What did you just say?" I asked little Mattie as calmly as my coffee-jolted self could manage. "Oh, I was just telling Michael that that's an a** in the book he's looking at," my little first-grade reader stated. "Either a** or 'ace'. I'm not sure which way you're supposed to say it." And then he turned back to his magazine.

Sigh. Now, folks, I was fairly sure from the beginning what he was talking about:

the "African A**", of course. OF COURSE. But good heavenly days, I about stroked out hearing that word so nonchalantly flow out of my BABY'S mouth! Being the saavy mom that I am, I calmly and rationally suggested that "donkey" might be a better choice of word to describe that particular animal. Especially when you choose someday to tell your first grade class all about it. [Side mental note to self: be sure to thank Aunt Terri for passing her old homeschooling books along to my impressionable kiddos.]

And then there was last week. That morning's particular Car Ride Conversation Topic was all about weather. It was a drizzly morning and cold and damp. And foggy. Which totally reminded Matthew of this so, so funny video he saw on "America's Most Funniest Family Home Videos" (I love how he says the name of that show). It was all about this so, so funny dog. Did I mention he was funny? FUNNY! And do you know why this dog was so, so funny?? Because the dog eats hail. HAIL! Ha ha! Funny!! SO FUNNY! Well, one would think it was that funny judging from the giggles emanating from the backseat as the tots rehashed that puppo's hijinx. And then, all of a sudden, Matthew just bursts into song: (to the tune of "I Know An Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly")

"I know an old dog, who swallowed some hail.
I don't know why he swallowed that hail.
He can...[pause, pause..thinking...what can rhyme??] go to HHAAIILLL!!"

Wow. Where did that little phrase come from [side note: I actually think he applied the phrase from one of our theological discussions of salvation rather than from, say, TV]??? Being the calm, sane voice of reason, I assured my sweet, little, southern-accent boy that applying going to "hail" to a hail-eating dog was perhaps less than a stellar idea.

The kid sure knows how to make me spew my coffee in the van, which would explain why there were all those brown spots in the carpet on the driver's side when I steam cleaned the carpets the other week.